Saturday, August 29, 2009


I'm leaving on a jet plane! My own private jet. it's only for the weekend. I'll be home for around 2 days an return on monday morning just in time for my class. I'm gonna be home! I'm gonna be able to see you kong kong. I'll hug you and kiss you on the forehead.

I'll hold your hand in mine, gently and maybe, just maybe you'll hold mine back. You would slowly curl your fingers in to cover mine. And you'll have your eyes open. They'll be wise and shining just like how I last remembered them to be. And you'll be able to tilt your head up and smile. That adorable, contagious smile. And maybe, just maybe you'll be able to recognize me. You'll say I'm your daughter's daughter. You'll say my name and welcome me home again.

In my dreams...

I still remember how my mummy used to warn me not to take afternoon naps in front of you because you might get irritated. But one afternoon I started dozing off and you saw me. I told you I was sleepy (ngantuk) and you even let me sleep in your bedroom, on your bed. You fluffed the pillow for me so i'd be comfortable. You got out a blanket for me even though it was 30 degrees and it was afternoon.

Mama used to get ticked off because you'd go to the coffee shop near your house everyday. When you were wheelchair bound you were still so restless you wanted to move around. It took nearly 10 months but you were getting stronger again. You were so so cute kong kong. You'd refuse to use yr stick when the maid told you to but when I gave it to you you'd use it. You even held my hand for support. And you even started drinking water and feeding yourself. You peeled that mandarin by yourself.

We were happy you were getting better again. I was happy you were getting better again. I thought everything was getting better. But kong kong why did you have to get up when there was no one around to watch you.

I'm gonna see you soon kong kong, but that'll only be in my dreams. If God loves me please let me dream about it. Please wait for me in December. I'll be back and I'm going straight away to see you. I promise. just wait for me kong kong. I love you, Tiffany sayanglu. Tunggu untuk aku ok?

Friday, August 28, 2009

wish I could wait...

I wanna go home! really really badly! How could they not have told me earlier! I don't know if I should be thankful or angry or upset. I'm obviously upset. Grandpa, kong kong I love you.. please please recognise me when I get back.

Please, I don't need to see you move your limbs again. I just need to hear that you CAN move them. I want to hear you speak again too. Why why why?! Why wasn't there anyone looking after him. Dear kong kong they kept the news away from me for a week.

one week he was in there for one week and they only told me 4 hours ago!! I could have booked flights in advance and be on the plane right now. I want to cry I AM crying!! why does shit after shit happen! Grandpa I lvoe you I hope you hear me, please move again, be good to the doctors and doctors please be good to him. You're so fragile. I love you so dearly. You need to eat again. I can imaigne you with tubes.. again..

I wanna go home...

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Saturday, August 8, 2009


I cannot believe uni changed my timetable! I am so unbelievably angry right now I have to vent! Now I'm not in the same urban tute as James and sya sya and cute guy in leather jacket and super nice tutor! I hate this shit. And I hate the weekends even more! They don't work during weekends so I can't go over and get it changed personally!

I'm incredibly pissed I cannot describe how pissed I really am! Okay not pissed just upset atm. Very very fucking upset!!! I don't give a damn about my natural tute because I had a crappy tutor anyways. die die die