penfolder

Now what ddoes that even mean? hmm I just wrote it cause I'm listening to that song atm. Let's see today's activities...

Yeap that sums it up :)

Tomorrow: teach my sis how to use my DSLR

materialistic, narcissistic and incomprehensive

:) indeed I am all of the above, basically i just want to say I love my guitar, my new mp3 player, my new hair and my new dress :P

i see the signs, it's that time of month xD

hello sudden mood swings again, I did not miss you.

but anyways I'm still in that debate over curling my hair or leaving it sraight? why must i be so indecisive?

Went back to the boutique to get that gorgeous royal blue empire waist greek goddess dress I wanted yesterday. But when I was at the store the sales person apologised saying a woman came in just 30 mins before I had and bought that very dress in green, red and... yeap my royal blue!!!! I was so pissed I was like wtf-ing inside, I was really raging. (pms -.-) and the lady kept trying to get me to try diff dresses but I kept saying no but she kept taking more I wanted to shout at her "don't you get the point??" but i knew it wasn't her fault. It's weird cuz my psychic feeling also told me I should've called the store in the morning to hold it for me.

Anwyays the owner of the boutique saw I was clearly upset. (I even dreamt of that dress!) and she called their branch in Bangsar to transfer one over for me. I was so touched :')

The rest of the day was great, I went for a walk with my sis, had raw veges for dinner at 4.15 (starving now), my brother and I got along beautifully today and I made two new youtube videos. :)

I'M ALL OUT OF LOVE



here's the link in case it uploads slow http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zh1olpHATL4&feature=channel

and

TEARDROPS ON MY GUITAR



here's the link in case this uploads slow http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPqyj1uXo6o

ENJOY...

ignore the video

oh no direct video response thing totally fuzzes the quality!! ok will post a new one tomorrows now i'm going to bed.

call me slightly more confident =)

I just watched Air Supply's acoustic version of their song, I'm All Out of Love from their album the singer and the song (or was it the other way round?) anyways I got so excited I just had, had had to upload this video using youtube's video reponse thing. I'll record a better version though casue you can hardly hear me. But to anyone who's interested (or who even reads my blog) just do yr thing ;) meaning watch it

when it rains, i feel like snuggling

You know when you've been having a totally crappy day/week/month but it's all ok because of one little reason? yes just one.

I was depressed over my results (which was all my fault so I don't want sympathy), gaining wiehgt, that person is still ever so clueless, been a totally absent minded and unintentionally irresponsible daughter, being inspirationless and all that crap I'm gonna stop whinging.

But just one conversation, one acquaintance, one song, with one person. Totally turned everything around. I'm not saying there's something going in my love life cause there ins't but I reckon this person really, really deserves a post for himself although he will never see it himself.

ThankS.

oh and while talking to him I learnt how to play When it rains by Paramore and hopefully we'll get to play it together when he's learnt his part. You've the most beautiful smile ever too! *I never saw it coming*

sorrow last through this night..

I believe what Joyce says that blogging always makes you feel better. I felt much better compared to last night although the guilt is still there. I'll have to work extra hard next sem. I can do it! it's just another 4 months and possibly 4 exams, easy right?

My mama and my mummy and daddy and uncles and aunties all believe in me. That's a hell lot of pressure and I know I've failed them this sem already so I need to make up for it. Lord help me please. Sem 2 will be dedicated to my family and for me!

Had my first driving lesson today. Experienced drivers please stop bullying me! I'm a beginner and there's a friggin clutch on the manual car. God I hate that clutch but I'm very proud of myself. All those nights of nightmares did nothing to fend me from my lessons. The instructor was a bit annoying but who cares I'm alive and I drove to Sri Inai and back home on my first go. Seriously I learnt just by trial and error because the instructor didn't tell me what to do. And I ended up driving myself back home. Twas awesome!

It's almost end of my so called holiday in Malaysia and I still have some stuff to do such as my hair and dress shopping and more youtube videos oh and I must have written at least 2 songs before I go back but I just haven't had the inspiration...

I just love how people like Michelle Branch and Ryan Cabrera can write so many beautiful songs. I'm falling more in love with every single word they say.

One day she will tell you that she has had enough...

And honestly I don't know when I'm going to give up in ___ but it seems every time when I thought I had.. turns out I haven't. "And as a wise friend told me today women demand equal rights to men, now be a man!" There's a meaning behind it, one that will remain between me and that friend of mine.

I thought I had stepped out of that dark stage already but looks like a quite haven't. My clothes maybe of assorted colours but the colours of my mind are still in dark shades... and why? no one's fault but mine, I brought everything on myself and why can't I just realise it at that time itself?

Discouraging thoughts, questioning myself, do I deserve having it this good when I haven't been giving enough? I have been accepting but for how long can I? What will happen to my future? Why didn't I do this or that/ Why DID I do this and that?

I hate admitting I need help, thinking I can do it on my own.. but in the end it just doesn't work that way after all.. I fail while others succeed because they weren't afraid. and while at that moment I would think that I was the smart one, I end up losing out.

With all of the above not giving my mind peace to sleep i threw off my blanket and came back downstairs to open up my mum's BAZAAR May 2009. (normally I wouldn't read magazines) I flipped straight to the back and found this article on Poesy Liang. 34, architectural interior designer, jewellery designer, writer, photographer, blogger, ex-TV personal, ballroom dancer, traveller, popular and beautiful. I read more about her life and I was really blown away, in a matter of minutes, I found my role model. I haven't even met her but I knew I wanted to. Like she saw that ABS by Allen Schwartz on Sarah Jessica Parker and knew she wanted it.

She's been through so much, paraplegia at 17, at age 28 (2003) with a tumour coiled around her spinal cord and paralysis striked again after the open surgery, bedridden during her first semester of Architecture Engineering in Federal Institute of Technology and finally not being able to fully complete the ambition she wanted because of her health problems. And here I was healthy and financially stable with wonderful parents supporting me and a sister and brother who believe in me, my grandmother who always gives me sums of money when she knows very well I don't need it coming from a very privileged family already. Here I am with all these! and I don't deserve it! I can't even get good enough grades to make my parents feel like whatever they had done for me was not wasted.

I am in such a dilemma for next semester now and I had a temporary moment of weakness there but if Poesy could do it over all her obstacles, why can't I? I just need that slap on the face and what I had to see again just now was not just a slap, it was a punch. And I'm back.

new video!

jun yeu said i haven't been blogging and this probably doesn't count as a blog post but ok let's see last night I was talking to Alex about M2M while youtube-ing M2M videos and came across this song, Girl In Your Dreams and i fell in love with it immediately.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTBvyDHsfnk



so I thought I'de do a cover of it. love it!