sorrow last through this night..

I believe what Joyce says that blogging always makes you feel better. I felt much better compared to last night although the guilt is still there. I'll have to work extra hard next sem. I can do it! it's just another 4 months and possibly 4 exams, easy right?

My mama and my mummy and daddy and uncles and aunties all believe in me. That's a hell lot of pressure and I know I've failed them this sem already so I need to make up for it. Lord help me please. Sem 2 will be dedicated to my family and for me!

Had my first driving lesson today. Experienced drivers please stop bullying me! I'm a beginner and there's a friggin clutch on the manual car. God I hate that clutch but I'm very proud of myself. All those nights of nightmares did nothing to fend me from my lessons. The instructor was a bit annoying but who cares I'm alive and I drove to Sri Inai and back home on my first go. Seriously I learnt just by trial and error because the instructor didn't tell me what to do. And I ended up driving myself back home. Twas awesome!

It's almost end of my so called holiday in Malaysia and I still have some stuff to do such as my hair and dress shopping and more youtube videos oh and I must have written at least 2 songs before I go back but I just haven't had the inspiration...

I just love how people like Michelle Branch and Ryan Cabrera can write so many beautiful songs. I'm falling more in love with every single word they say.

One day she will tell you that she has had enough...

And honestly I don't know when I'm going to give up in ___ but it seems every time when I thought I had.. turns out I haven't. "And as a wise friend told me today women demand equal rights to men, now be a man!" There's a meaning behind it, one that will remain between me and that friend of mine.

I thought I had stepped out of that dark stage already but looks like a quite haven't. My clothes maybe of assorted colours but the colours of my mind are still in dark shades... and why? no one's fault but mine, I brought everything on myself and why can't I just realise it at that time itself?

Discouraging thoughts, questioning myself, do I deserve having it this good when I haven't been giving enough? I have been accepting but for how long can I? What will happen to my future? Why didn't I do this or that/ Why DID I do this and that?

I hate admitting I need help, thinking I can do it on my own.. but in the end it just doesn't work that way after all.. I fail while others succeed because they weren't afraid. and while at that moment I would think that I was the smart one, I end up losing out.

With all of the above not giving my mind peace to sleep i threw off my blanket and came back downstairs to open up my mum's BAZAAR May 2009. (normally I wouldn't read magazines) I flipped straight to the back and found this article on Poesy Liang. 34, architectural interior designer, jewellery designer, writer, photographer, blogger, ex-TV personal, ballroom dancer, traveller, popular and beautiful. I read more about her life and I was really blown away, in a matter of minutes, I found my role model. I haven't even met her but I knew I wanted to. Like she saw that ABS by Allen Schwartz on Sarah Jessica Parker and knew she wanted it.

She's been through so much, paraplegia at 17, at age 28 (2003) with a tumour coiled around her spinal cord and paralysis striked again after the open surgery, bedridden during her first semester of Architecture Engineering in Federal Institute of Technology and finally not being able to fully complete the ambition she wanted because of her health problems. And here I was healthy and financially stable with wonderful parents supporting me and a sister and brother who believe in me, my grandmother who always gives me sums of money when she knows very well I don't need it coming from a very privileged family already. Here I am with all these! and I don't deserve it! I can't even get good enough grades to make my parents feel like whatever they had done for me was not wasted.

I am in such a dilemma for next semester now and I had a temporary moment of weakness there but if Poesy could do it over all her obstacles, why can't I? I just need that slap on the face and what I had to see again just now was not just a slap, it was a punch. And I'm back.

new video!

jun yeu said i haven't been blogging and this probably doesn't count as a blog post but ok let's see last night I was talking to Alex about M2M while youtube-ing M2M videos and came across this song, Girl In Your Dreams and i fell in love with it immediately.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTBvyDHsfnk



so I thought I'de do a cover of it. love it!

red ones bring you up blue ones bring you down

and i really need some red ones, whatever those "ones" are. I've been so down and up but mostly down lately.

drives me crazy half the time the other half i'm only trying to figure out what is real and true

you know times when you just feel emo/sad/unsociable? yeah that's what i'm feeling now. I see their faces, i know them i love them, I want to hug them and laugh with them.. just talk to them and not cast myself away from them...

What the hell is wrong with me!!!

Stressed out and under such a constricted time frame as well everything's due on thursday
i can do this!! I know I can!

doing before and afters as well

THESE TOP 4 weren't editted at all! the bottom ones were

Michelle Branch

I know right such a random post but I feel like i have to express my amazement for her somewhere other than facebook because too many people read there.

She Is just so amazing and yes she's one of my idols. The first time I performed was to her song All You Wanted. It was an awful attempt but I believe i've improved and i performed it again this year. It's gonna be a timeless classic. Her whole album Hotel Paper should be!

I'd so want to be an asian version of michelle branch, but then again she's already asian haha. But yeah one of the people I want to meet before I die would be her! She's just lovely I song writer at 14 (her song goodbye to you was written when she was around 14/15) but only appeared on her 2nd album. and now she's a mummy and back on the scene I'm waiting in anticipation for her new album~

One of the things I would want to do before I die would be to perform her entire album (or at least half of it) live! I've already gotten half the album down pat. Still deciding if i should play her song at the bar this friday or time after time? hm hmm hmmmmmmmm

god... i so need and update

I'm still sick after all :( after the foam thing at Amber! ewwww guys pole dancing was hilarious I want a rose too :'( Amber is a club btw 2nd nigh of clubbing last night. went to eve before tht. eve sucks! Amber was a trillion times better! Lizzie I'm so taking you there when you come here! Lisa come this june!!

no one in trinity= boreddddd

got so much work todooooo= lazy

i'm so out of it i don't even feel like blogging properly. oh oh and i started camwhoring again yesterday cause i had nothing else to do like seriously!

oh and thank you kimy for the signs! muax!