Tuesday, January 6, 2009

you know when yr crushing on someone so badly...

...and you don't effing know whether to tell them or not? I'm a girl and yes I do confess sometimes. so far I've confessed twice in my life that's cause I really really like the guy. the last one I confessed to was cause I was really in love (i suppose with him) and the feelings lasted a whole year. But twice I got rejected. I thought I won't make the same mistake again. Then now this.

I'm freaking crying here. I just hugged my sister and cried on her too and all she did was pat my head. I don't blame her I wouldn't know what to do either. I didn't think I'd fall this hard for him. To tell him or not? I really don't know. I wish he would send me a sign somehow. I never thought I would cry over a boy again. My heart is not healing it's breaking again "and it's all because of you".

Ivan Y. sorta started all this talking about him with me first and idk how but it got this bad. The guy i like now, can make me smile and blush just by saying hi but our conversations never last long and it's always me that starts it first. God Tiff stop fucking crying!!

If only I could tell you somehow and not hurt myself because I'm so way out of his league. I'm not pretty, I can't play any instruments (bit of guitar but not as good as him) for sure, not that smart, not as free as other girls. All I can give him is my loyalty but it's only up to him to accept it and I have this heavy feeling he won't. It'll just be another rejection. But if I don't tell him I might miss out on what could be. How can someone break yr heart and heal it with an instant "Hey"?

Like I said to Liz and Shak today he's either oblivious or negative. Negative means I'll be in pain but time will heal it, oblivious means i'll forever has this ache from not knowing what could be. so which one are you?

I'm suppose to blog about my guitar and my girls day out but once again he's made his way into my mind without even trying i guess i'll only blog about tht when i feel better again.. if i feel better again. I want my "brother" Ivan Y with me now so i can cry and tell him how sick I am with this one way thing!

why does it always feel like I am chasing love when there's nothin there and here I go just making the same mistakes, I've fallen stupid for you

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